Clingy Chris

Guys usually complain about girls being way too clingy or just straight up psycho.  “She won’t stop calling me”, “she freaks out when I don’t text back right away”, “this bitch came over to my house and slashed my tires”, etc. etc.  I pride myself on my independence and lack of being a “psycho girl”, so when I got an excessively long, heartfelt text from Clingy Chris the morning before we were supposed to go on a date I had to re-read it about 6 times before I could comprehend what he had actually sent…

Background on Clingy Chris:  He was my first ever Match date.  We had a fantastic first date consisting of trivia, beer, and entertaining family stories.  So obviously it led to a second date.  After the second date, we both just kind of fell off the radar and decided to go our separate ways.  Nothing against him (at this point) but there didn’t seem to be much of a long term future there anyway.  I went on to other strange men, and I’m sure he went on to other girls.

Fast forward 7 months: I decided to rejoin Match at the end of summer.  I was having terrible luck and thought I would give it another shot (mind you, I’m still not sure why).  After a week or so of being on there I got a message from him (he clearly hasn’t had much luck either).  He asked how I was and we caught up a bit, then asked if I wanted to give it another shot and go on another date.  Why the hell not? He was cute, funny, and we had a great time.  After texting back and forth a bit, we planned to do another trivia date.  He had to cancel the first one, so we rescheduled.  Then morning of our planned date I texted him to see if we were still on and this is what I got back in response:


First off, you want a clingy girl??? What guy in their right mind says that?!  He clearly has a vagina.  Second, you’re just realizing I’m independent the morning before our date? Why would you have even contacted me again in the first place? You knew all this.

We barely texted in between when we planned our date and the morning of.  Why would we?  I’m assuming that’s why this came about.  Sorry I’m not sorry I’m not “clingy” and didn’t text you 6 times a day to say hi.  So we exchange a few more words back and forth and I told him I’m sorry he feels that way, but guess we don’t need to hang out again.  You would think I wouldn’t hear from him again after that… well you’re wrong.

Three weeks later I get this text from him:


Grow a pair dude and stand up for what you want!  If you want a clingy girl, then so be it.  Three weeks later and you apologize because of how you feel?  There were no hard feelings. Way to confirm my theory that you have a secret vagina.

Moral of the story: Clingy = Great girlfriend.  This is why I don’t have a boyfriend.


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